Cocktails
by MissCloud
Summary: Dating Agency plus beyblade characters equals major warning: Stupidness. Oneshot.... Gay/straight couples.


This is a very stupid thing I came up with when bored... it's actually not as long as it seems! :) I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade

Warning: Rudeness.

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**Cocktails : Dating Agency**

**Female Seeking Male**

_Short, stumpy pinkette with decently sized breasts seeks someone with similar coloured yellow eyes, same origin and interest in cooking to fondle with. Having the birth name of Ray may be advantageous._- Mariah

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_Intelligent, slim brunette seeks a male she can happily bewitch into liking her to the point she'd never have to do any housework again_. - Hilary

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_Sexy brainiac with basic knowledge of sexual intercourse seeks mature male who likes chemical science and mathematics. I am fond of whales, I enjoy school, learning, have strong sexual beliefs and believe relationships are all about companionship, trust and love. Seeks sex. _- Emily

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Reply from Kenny to Emily;

_Emily- I LOVE whales!_

_---_

**Male Seeking Female**

_Nerd seeks woman._ - Kenny

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_Young, hyperactive blonde seeks a female with a taste for mustard. Mmmmm!!!! I will take you to see some of the best mustard factories there is, then for ice cream, then perhaps seagull chasing, fishing, the theme park, the haunted house, roller-coaster, and oh boy MUSTARD sure is great! I am looking to meet my destined one! Love Maxie!! Yes, you can call me Maxie!! Sweet_. - Max

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Reply from Mariam to Max;

_You sound like a good laugh Max! What is it you're looking for in particular? A girlfriend or someone to mustard-taste with? Please let me know as I'd love to meet you._

_---_

_Horny, cute, handsome, petite dwarf-like man seeks lady for love who has a fetish for dwarfs. P.S I am very horny. Hint hint._ - Ian

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_Straight... uhm... MALE, STRAIGHT MALE... seeks... MA-.. FEmale... for... lots and lots of ... fun -_-. _- Ray

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**Male Seeking Male**

_Fit, sexy male who lives in a mansion and is very very rich with a butler seeks a male for fun who will not take my money for granted. Likes dark poetry, cats, milk, long cars... and red heads_. - Kai.

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Reply from Tala to Kai

_;) I believe by long cars you mean limousines._

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Reply from Kai to Tala

_I believe you are correct._

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_Always hungry, aloof, cheeky, highly talented individual seeks male who can break spells from annoying witches in the past- so possible wizard would be good. Harry Potter will be fine. Or Gandalf. But must love food, a lot. And must have a nice arse_. - Tyson

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_Little man-bitch seeks male to boss around and treat like an animal. Must like witches. Remember- I am burnable! _- Hilary the man.

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Reply from Hilary to Hilary the man

_TYSON YOU FUCKING ASS!_

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Reply from Bryan to Hilary the man

_Hilary.. you sound like my kinda man..._

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Reply from Hilary the man to Bryan

_Why thank you... you sound like a nice, humble gent I can make life a misery for. I only charge £10 an hour, that's for full sex and bondage._

_---_

Reply from Hilary to Hilary the man

_TYSON!!! STOP IT!!! DAMMIT, CURSE YOU!!!_

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Reply from Hilary the man to Hilary

_Oh noes I've been cursed!_

_---_

Reply from Bryan to Hilary the man

_Hmm... you're on babe ;) _

_---_

_Sexy, yellow-eyed male with comparisons to a cat seeks a strong, handsome man_. - Anon

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**Male Seeking Female**

_HORNY!_ - Ian

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Reply from Tala to Ian

_For fucks sake, shut up you little sex deprived dwarf. No one wants you, get the hint._

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Reply from Ian to Tala

_Shut up yourself._

_---_

**Male Seeking Male**

_Penis seeks penis_ - Spencer

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Reply from Tala to Spencer

_Wow, that really does make me catch the beauty of your personality (eyeroll)_

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Reply from Spencer to Tala

_Thanks! So, will you be my penis?_

_---_

Reply from Tala to Spencer

_... No. I'm writing my ad up right now. THIS is how it should be done._

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_Fiery red-head with a large hard drive seeks male with a compatible disk. The larger the better. Enjoys sex on the beach (the drink, hohoho), anything barbaric, watching powerful rich men fall and sheep. Seeking fun... possibly love. x_- Tala

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Reply from Spencer to Tala

_...The kiss makes you look gay._

_---_

Reply from Tala to Spencer

_I AM gay you moron! So are you!_

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**Female Seeking Female**

_A real woman with a body to die for seeks lady of sporty posture. Interests include clowns_. - Julia

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Reply from Emily to Julia

_I'm straight, but, this sounds good, and I've had no other offers. Besides Kenny... but his ad sucks. Plus I'm dying for sex._

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**Male Seeking Female**

Reply from Max to Mariam;

_Hey girl! I'm looking for a girlfriend. One that likes mustard, mind. Do you like mustard? _

_---_

Reply from Mariam to Max

_Sure. I guess I like mustard. I actually like the sound of this- mustard is hot ;) You must be hot._

_---_

Reply from Max to Mariam;

_Oh, you have no idea :)_

_---_

_I have a steamingly good body, six pack, and I like porn, male on male. Is willing for a threesome. Oh, and I'm seeking anyone who fancies this. - Bryan_

_---_

Reply from Hilary to Bryan

_HOLY ABS! YES PLEASE O.O When can we do it, wheeeeeeen!?_

_---_

Reply from Bryan to Hilary

_Oops... wrong section. Sorry. I'm gay._

_---_

Reply from Hilary to Bryan

_CUUUUURSES!_

_---_

**Male Seeking Male**

Reply from Kai to Tala

_I'm liking the sound of your red hair. Red hair drives me wild. I also like sex on the beach. And screaming orgasms. Although I have to say, I am a powerful rich man and I expect you to fall at my feet, not me to yours._

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Reply from Tala to Kai.

_Oh hoho. I like your dominance. Ah yes, the screaming orgasm- one hell of a drink. I like a bit of ass-whipping afterwards._

_---_

Reply from Kai to Tala

_Funny you should say that. The ass whipper is my second favourite cock of all time. _

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Reply from Tala to Kai

_You know, you should try bear fucker if you like cocktails. Or sex with the bartender. Seriously that is some messed up shit. _

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Reply from Kai to Tala

_Yeah, but it's a shame when you have no one to share it with. Hey, let's continue this somewhere else. PM me._

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_Ginger alien seeks companion._ - Brooklyn

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Reply from Tyson to Brooklyn

_Then I'm the companion for you my man! I've always had a thing for ginger aliens. Let's meet up!_

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Reply from Bryan to Brooklyn and Tyson

_Threesome?_

_---_

Reply from Brooklyn to Bryan

_Meh, why not._

_---_

**Male Seeking Female**

_Still horny - _Ian

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**Female Seeking Male/Male Seeking Male/Male Seeking Female**

Reply from Mariah to Ray

_Hi Ray! I saw your ad, and I'm interested, hehe!!_

_---_

Reply from Mystel to Anon

_Ray, is that you?_

_---_

Reply from Anon to Mystel

_Hey sexy ;) You've got me._

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Reply from Ray to Mariah

_Hi..._

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Reply from Mystel to Anon

_Ah, ;) so it IS you Ray. Nice to see you've finally found the courage to float to this side. Welcome aboard, sailor! _

_---_

Reply from Mariah to Ray

_So, how are you ;)_

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Reply from Anon to Mystel

_Thanks captain! Jeez, I'm being hounded by that stupid female Mariah._

_---_

Reply from Mystel to Mariah

_Back off pinky! He's mine!!!!_

_---_

Reply from Mariah to Ray

_What the hell! Ray!?_

_---_

Reply from Ray to Mariah

_Yes?_

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Reply from Mariah to Ray

_Are you Anon!? Are you seeking a male too you whore!?_

_---_

Reply from Ray to Mariah

_I might be._

_---_

Reply from Mariah to Ray

_Ray! What are you doing! You can't flirt with two people at once!_

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Reply from Ray to Mariah

_Yes I can. I'm a whore, remember!_

_---_

Reply from Mariah to Ray

_But Ray, you're straight! You have to like me!_

_---_

Reply from Ray to Mariah

_I don't have to like anybody._

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Reply from Anon to Mystel

_I'm scaring her off, I think. So, what brings you to this website, then? I find it hard to believe you can't find a boyfriend in the real world._

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Reply from Mariah to Ray

_But Ray! I have boobs!_

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Reply from Ray to Mariah

_No thanks._

_---_

Reply from Mystel to Anon

_Haha, thanks, I think. I suppose I'm going for the easy way out. Besides, speak for yourself. Hot guy like you.. you don't need these pervert-riddled websites._

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Reply from Mariah to Ray

_Uh, you make me sick!_

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Reply from Ray to Mariah

_Good, because you make me barf up my lunch._

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Reply from Anon to Mystel

_Oooh... pervert riddled. That sent shivers down my spine. Not good shivers either... Hey... are you flattering me? If so, it's working. Say... you have my number.. call me._

_---_

_Shy, small girl with zero confidence seeks male for some wild hardcore sex - Mathilda_

_---_

Reply from Kenny to Mathilda

_;) Hey Mathilda. Are you single by any chance?_

_---_

Reply from Tala to Kenny

_Kenny, seriously, what the fuck? Of course she's gonna be single if she's writing in here. You flirt like my ass._

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Reply from Kenny to Tala

_Why are you even in this section? Get back into the gay one!_

_---_

Reply from Tala to Kenny

_Because people like you amuse me._

_---_

Reply from Miguel to Mathilda

_Sounds good to me! PM me your number._

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Reply from Mariam to Max

_Wanna swap numbers?_

_---_

Reply from Max to Mariam

_SURE!!! As long as we can swap pants too ;)_

_---_

Reply from Mariam to Max

_Oh, you are cheeky!_

_---_

**Male Seeking Male**

_Fit guy looking for some serious mingling! Needs immediate response, or may flop - _Garland

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Reply from Spencer to Garland

_Uhm, I think you'd benefit more by going on a porn website, Garland._

_---_

Reply from Garland to Spencer

_I meant cyber._

_---_

Reply from Spencer to Garland

_Ah, well, in that case.... YOU can be my penis!_

_---_

**Success Stories- 1 year on.**

_Thank you for bringing me and Mariam together. We've just got back from our honeymoon, it was fantastic! Funnily we met another couple over there having sex with the bartender, so we joined them, and found out they found love on this website- amazing huh! What a small world. Mariam is pregnant now with our seventh child, and we're naming that one Max Junior too. Peace out!_

_---_

_This website made me realize I've had feelings for someone who I've known for a while- and it's also helped me get rid of this annoying stalker-bitch. I applaud you. -Ray._

_---_

_Myself and Kai met here just over a year ago now. I've got to say it was the best thing I've ever done. We've had many great times together and many more to come. We still enjoy sex on the beach and ass whipping. We've recently tried a new one called raunchy island sex. It's fucking fantastic. Well, may you find your true love one day- believe me he and/or/both she is out there. You just have to look in the right places._

_Tala and Kai x_

_---_

**Male Seeking Female**

_...horny? - _Ian

_---_

**The End.**

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Haha told you it was stupid... oh well... if you liked it please drop me a review :)


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